Spiders are lucky. They can shoot magic ropes out of their butt & zip-line whenever they want to.
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A bank manager confused with his maths asked his secretary to help him out “i have $23,000,000 what will u take off to get 25%.
She replied “sir honestly i will take off my blouse,my skirt,my bra and even my pants. :D :P
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What does a camera,a condom and a woman’s mouth have in common?
They are all designed to catch that special moment.
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Any time a bird craps on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my patio to show the birds what I’m capable of.
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Honey don’t complain. You clearly know polygamy is hereditary in our family
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I’ve just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t done a gig yet.
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I can’t hold my liquor. So I put it in my stomach.
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That ninja move u make when u are about to drop ur phone;)
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Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you?re wrong.
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I will not eat oysters.
I want my food dead. Not sick,not wounded, dead.
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